Kitchen Nightmares
by Elenwe12
Summary: "Several men were sent to their dojo in Osaka to recruit more members and he thought of baking something for them. Onigiri were a basic meal after all and it would relieve him from work stress. Or so he thought."


Hi everyone!

This is my secret santa gift for a-beru who requested Hijikata trying to bake something edible for the shinsengumi without much luck but then Saitou and Chizuru help him and it turns out alright!  
I hope you'll have fun reading this and happy new year (since I'm late for Christmas on here) :D

(This is my first fic in English, I hope it's not too bad, I did my best...)

Disclaimer: Everything is the property of Idea Factory etc. etc.  


* * *

 **Kitchen Nightmares**

Chizuru was surprised, while passing near the kitchen, to hear cursing coming out of it. She was not sure of it but she could have sworn the voice was that of Hijikata, which was surprising enough. Why would the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi be baking something in the middle of the afternoon? Intrigued and slightly concerned by the amount of insults towards rice, she decided to step in.

— Hijikata-san, is something the matter?

— Chizuru?

Hijikata stopped mid-cursing to give her a surprised look – or rather, embarrassed. His hair was slightly dishevelled and some grains of rice were stuck to his face. That was not the kind of thing you would see every day and Chizuru bit her lips not to laugh.

— I, herm, wanted to make onigiri.

Several men were sent to their dojo in Osaka to recruit more members and he thought of baking something for them. Onigiri were a basic meal after all and it would relieve him from work stress. Or so he thought.

— You should wet your hands with salty water, explained Chizuru, it will keep the rice from sticking too much.

— Oh, I see.

Thinking about it, he probably heard about this before. Too bad he did not remember it. Chizuru approached him with a kind smile and took a brief look at what he had made.

— Maybe I can help you…?

For a brief moment, he was tempted to refuse, if only for his pride, but he had to admit that at this rate, the guys would either be poisoned or back from Osaka before his onigiri would be edible.

— Hijikata-san… this rice is over-salted. I think it's best to start over.

Paperwork suddenly felt incredibly relaxing and, most of all, _easy_.

 **.**

Saitou was headed for the kitchen to store tofu he had just bought – he wanted to include some in their next supper but had notice they were almost none left.

— Hijikata-san! The rice is on fire!

— What? How did it happen?

Saitou considered pretending he had not seen anything and simply walk away to keep on with his daily task. But this was not something that could be so easily ignored.

— Vice-Commander, Yukimura, do you need help?

To be fair, it seems like any kind of help would be needed here.

— Saitou-san! cried Chizuru with obvious relief. Well… you could help us separating the burned grains from the rest.

Saitou considered for a moment the rice with a dubious look.

— Given how sticky it is… wouldn't it be easier to just start over?

Hijikata glared at him and he immediately regretted his question. Better get to it now if they didn't want to spend their night filtering rice. Still, how was it even possible to set rice on fire?

 **.**

— Alright now we should put tuna in it…

Well, it would probably be wiser not to put anything at all but they had already cooked the tuna – without much difficulty, surprisingly enough – and it would hide the possibly remaining burned grains.

— Vice-Commander… I think you might be overfilling it.

Overfilling was not exactly the right term. _Illfilling_ would be more appropriate given how tuna was dispatched anywhere but in the crater made for it.

— I can see that but it just won't stay in the fucking hole!

— Maybe you should try to relax a little…

A frustrated sigh followed by a few more insults towards sticky aliments was the only response given to this advice.

 **.**

The biggest mystery to Hijikata was how, despite following every moves and instructions of Saitou and Chizuru, he could end up with something so different. It was true that he did not have their experience or their patience for that kind of things. Little by little, however, his gests became more assured and his cooking less and less disastrous.

 **.**

— You know what? Let's not worry about the shape! It's not that important anyway, is it?

— Agreed. We should just wrap them already and hurry up before the men leave.

 **.**

The men sent to Osaka were pleasantly surprised upon receiving onigiri for their travel and a bit worried upon learning their Vice-Commander had personally made them – but it was quite a nice thought. The strange-looking aspect of those onigiri and unequal shaping only increased their concern. The smell was good and very tempting though, they had to admit it.

To their even bigger surprise, the taste was also good. Not extraordinary, sure, but not as terrible as the aspect of those rice balls or their Vice-Commander reputation made them believe it was.

Little did they know that his two poor assistants dreamt of tuna cursing burned rice for quite a few days.

* * *

Hijikata's cooking skill are inspired from my own (I did set fire to my oven once) so my heart goes to him. People like us should be (and are) banned from cooking, at least for the community.

Note: Tani Mantaro, who joined the Shinsengumi in 1863, had established a dojo in Osaka (in 1856). It later became sort of a headquarter for the Shinsengumi in this town so I decided to use this for the sake of the story :)

Thank you for reading :D


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